算是畢業了

口試通過,算是畢業了~ (followed by English version)

三年前懵懵懂懂,沒有做任何準備下來到台大人類所,其實曾經一度想放棄。這是一個在地民族誌(不敢說是反身),但必須處理研究動機的中立性,還有內部矛盾情感的問題。這些矛盾一直存在,想必會伴隨我走入另一個階段吧。人類學,就像環境工程般,和我的生命結合了。

很多人都詢問我為何能做出專業上如此大的轉變。有時回顧過去的決定,才發現有跡可循。我自小都喜歡歷史,高中的(統考和SPM的)歷史總平均曾拿過99分。進入南大填的志願順序,第一是環境工程,第二其實選了社會學(南大沒有人類學)。在南大時曾經想要副修歷史,大二選了一門歷史導論,就被深奧的英文給嚇到,面對英語很溜的同學,在課堂上都不敢發言(也不懂取任何觀點)。

20190719_2772448243366232064_n

但,自己對於馬來世界的理解,算是一種優勢。記得那一位沒有戴頭巾的新加坡籍馬來女教授反思新加坡前萊佛士時期的馬來歷史記憶時,我覺得非常有趣。她詢問班上的人有沒有聽過《漢都亞傳記》時,只有我一人默默舉手(但又害怕被點名發言)。

爺爺去世後所留下的客家文獻,是我想要繼續往這方面邁進的契機。原本想做客家研究,但在友人幫忙下和南大兩位中文系老師見面。雖然毫無準備,但我驚訝於馬來西亞知識界對於Sino的無知。因此決定從主流的沙巴客家研究,轉向無人問津的Sino領域。寫了企劃書投了南大中文系,雖然因為獎學金不足,進而決定多等一年申請台灣的獎學金。

20190719_4464216868915249152_n

可能和其他同學不同,我第一次接觸報導人是在2014年,即來台灣的兩年前就展開了可行性田野調查。來到台灣算是大開眼界,這裡有著紮實的南島和東南亞華人研究基礎,才從大一的課程補修從頭開始。我是和B05的學弟妹一起成長的,因此和他們的感情算是要好。其實也要感恩系上老師給予的通融,讓我逃過一些制度上的枷鎖,安心地選課學習。

感謝童老師願意當我的指導老師,第一學期的第一堂課即是當童老師的助教。老師把我帶入大洋洲的世界裡(雖然不精通),讓我不局限在島嶼東南亞的框架。老師也幫我處理在地民族誌的內部情感的矛盾,讓我從一個報導者,成為一個研究者。

20190719_3600373206227091456_n

那一年的文化田野課是素玫老師指導。當我還分不清社會學和人類學之時,就匆匆跟著老師進入東河阿美族的部落。文田寫作算是民族誌的小練習。之後幾乎每個學期都修老師的東南亞課或當助教。老師也因此成了我理想的口委老師。

修文田時讀到黃宣衛老師的阿美族文章,沒想到民族所論文寫作獎的指導老師是黃老師。和黃老師談得不多,但每一次都是舒服的。老師對沙巴客家有一定的了解,可能也會因此老師在百忙中願意當我的口委吧!

20190719_6888595971861643264_n

每一次的論文修改就是一種思考。很多理論和資料都是透過後來的文獻補充。華巫英三語的資料,遠赴新加坡和香港尋找,到後來發現亞庇阿姨家附近的圖書館藏有許多寶藏。尋找這些資料不容易,有不少朋友幫我遠洋拍照或借我學生賬號。

每個報導人都把我當成是親人及兄弟。爸爸更是我的私人司機,從Pitas到Kiulu再到Kuala Penyu。過程中他也學習了不少,畢竟我們對同一片土地上的異溫層了解甚少。這些見聞,都無法透過媒體和教科書學習,還需回到面對面的互動中習得。

20190719_2413476276925890560_n

其實寫作過程是享受的,暢遊於房間的書海及法律圖書館的落地窗之間。過度使用鍵盤,雙手的板機指是舊病復發。雙眼疲憊則用眼藥水和阿姨給的黃色濾光片克服。論文互助會裡的學姊及學弟,還有國內外的學者也給了許多有建設性的意見,得以讓讀者進入沙巴錯綜複雜且從未被學校教導的社會脈絡裡。

最後感謝口試當天大家的捧場,雖然聽不懂卻願意花時間幫忙拍照和錄音。口試最刺激還是問答環節,有時還聽不懂提問或記不住題目。不曉得血糖是否太低,但是九點多和學弟妹吃宵夜時聽力已經不靈光。

今天才算是靜下來公告天下。論文還需做最後修改,還未完整。若要讀口試版本,則需義務性幫我抓出至少二十個錯別字/錯格式/用語差異,感謝=P

line_7805486763887

It is officially come to “the graduation” after the oral defense!

Three years ago, I was a fresh anthropology student. Very little was prepared before my admission to National Taiwan University. In fact, I almost gave up at the beginning. This is a native ethnography (may be not “reflexive” enough). I must deal with the neutrality of my research motivation, as well as my inner contradictions and emotions. Anyway, these contradictions will always exist until my next stage. Anthropology, like environmental engineering, is part of my life now.

61574715_1232359787100865_5748580423072481280_n

Many have asked for the reasons of such a big professional change. I found some traces looking back to my past decisions. History has been my favorite since my childhood. My average scores of both UEC and SPM history once hit 99%. Somehow my second choice during my undergraduate application is sociology (Nanyang Technological University has no anthropology) after Environmental Engineering. Once, I planned to minor in history and signed up for the introduction module. However, I was frightened by the “Chiminology” and didn’t dare to speak up in class (lack of perspectives as well).

Slowly, I realized that my understanding in the Malay world is an advantage. I felt very interested when the Singaporean Malay female professor, who did not wear any “Tudung”, was leading collective reflection towards the Malay history of pre-Raffles period. When she asked if anyone in the class had heard of the “Hikayat Hang Tuah”, I was the only one who raised my hand quietly (afraid of being named).

line_9455602229882

The remaining Hakka manuscripts after my grandfather’s departure is a turning point for me to continue in this direction. Hakka research is my first trial, with the help of my friend, I met two professors from NTUsg. Although unprepared, I was surprised by the unawareness of Malaysian intellectual community towards Sino-Native issue. Therefore, I was encouraged to shift my focus from the mainstream Sabah Hakka research to the incomprehensive Sino research. Then I submitted a proposal to the Chinese Department of NTUsg. Due to the insufficient given scholarship, I decided to apply for Taiwan scholarship in the next year.

It is uncommon that my first contact with informant was in 2014, which is two years before my master admission. Studying anthropology in Taiwan is eye opening. The foundation of both Austronesian and Southeast Asian Chinese studies are strong. I was required to attend classes with undergraduate year one juniors. I grew up with B05 batch and have close relationship with some of them. I am grateful for the flexibility given by professors from my department, so that I could fit in curriculum and focus on my studies by then.

WhatsApp Image 2019-06-01 at 08.48.45

It is glad to have Prof. Tong as my instructor. We met in the first lesson of the first semester as her teaching assistant. She has brought me into the Oceania world (not yet an expert), so that I do not limit myself in the framework of the insular Southeast Asia. She also guided me in dealing with the inner contradictions as a native enthographer, and in turning to a researcher from a reporter.

My fieldwork course is directed by Prof Alik. I had to follow her footsteps into the Amis tribe of Donghe township when I still couldn’t distinguish both sociology and anthropology. The writing itself is a minor rehearsal of ethnography. I chose her Southeast Asian class as a student or teaching assistant almost every semester. She becomes my ideal candidate for my oral committee.

line_9475375303433

In the same fieldwork course, I read some Amis articles by Prof Huang Shiun-Wey. I did not expect that he is my instructor of the Writing Award from Institute of Ethnology. Our discussion is not frequent, but comfortable enough. He has a certain understanding of Sabah Hakka, and maybe these are the reasons for him to be part of my oral committee despite of his busy schedule!

Every revision of the thesis is a reflection. New theories and information are incorporated only in the later writing stage. Trilingual materials were acquired from Singapore and Hong Kong libraries. Somehow, I found that there are many hidden treasures in KK library near my aunt’s house as well. Although my information accessibility is low, I am fortunate enough having friends helping me in snapping those books or in lending me their student account.

WhatsApp Image 2019-06-01 at 08.48.38

Every informant regards me as close friend or family member. My dad is my personal driver along this journey, from Beaufort to Pitas, from Kiulu to Kuala Penyu. He also learned a lot during my study. It is sad to realize that we know very little about “the others” living together on the same piece of land. These findings cannot be learned through media and textbooks, but only through face-to-face interaction.

The writing process is much enjoyable, travelling among bookshelves of my bedroom and libraries. Trigger fingers reoccurred due to the excessive usage of keyboard. Eye fatigue was overcome by eye drops and a blue light filter from my aunt. The peers from discussion group, as well as scholars from Malaysia and abroad, have also given many constructive opinions, allowing readers to understand the complex social context of Sabah that is never taught in school.

WhatsApp Image 2019-06-01 at 08.48.40 (1)

Finally, I would like to thank everyone for your support on the day of oral defense. You may not understand what am I saying, but you are willing to spend time in photographing and recording. The Q&A session is of course the most exciting part, and sometimes I can’t understand or remember the questions. May be due to the low blood sugar level, my listening skill is not so functioning during the suppertime with some juniors.

Here is my announcement after calming down. The thesis still needs to be revised. The full version is not ready, if you want to read oral version, please help me spot at least twenty typos/format error/inappropriate words, thanks =P

发表评论

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com 徽标

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  更改 )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  更改 )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  更改 )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  更改 )

Connecting to %s